Emotionally based school non attendance

Emotionally based school non attendance is more than not going to school.

We have been navigating EBSNA since Síne was in nursery. Morning meltdowns, late to school, random days off. She is autistic & in mainstream. Keeping her home from school was never the easy option. To be honest when supporting a child going through this, there is no easy option. She started P3 in September. We have managed 2 full days since. 

The hardest part is watching her want to go to school yet face obstacles within an education system that only seems to work if you fit into it. I was at a Health Trust workshop recently. They talked about the need to recognise that rather than forcing autistic children into a system that is not designed to support & nurture them, it is the system that needs to change. It saddened me that the messaging is not consistent across the public sector. I am so grateful that my daughter’s school is amazing & has the most supportive people we could ask for, but I also recognise that much of what she needs is beyond their resources. 

There is a consultation out from DE at present & the title alone makes my skin prickle – Attendance Matters. I know attendance matters. Every parent in my position knows that attendance matters. This is not a simple choice we have made but rather has been thrust onto us by a system that doesn’t have the right resources & funding in place to support children with additional needs.

As I said at the start, EBSNA is much more than simply not going to school. For my daughter, it’s sleepless nights & nightmares. It’s physically shaking & feeling sick. It’s intense stimming & crying. It’s increased meltdowns & sensory overload. It’s a bag packed with a weighted blanket, a fidget toy, a wobble cushion & the constant wearing of headphones. It’s physically & emotionally falling to pieces before & after trying to walk through the school gates. It’s wanting to be with her friends yet not being able to. It’s missing out on school life, the Halloween disco, school trips, the Christmas play, the days that embed themselves as memories of childhood.

As parents, it’s a continuous battle to get support for her. It’s constant paperwork, phone calls, research & advocacy. It’s questioning all your decisions. It’s standing at school gates as your child wretches & screams while others stare, unknowingly heightening the overwhelmed state she is already in. It’s having to explain to your other children that these aren’t nice days off but a worrying foundation of broken steps towards your child’s growth, academically & socially. It’s constantly having to prove the needs of your child to different agencies & feel like everywhere you turn is an obstacle to overcome rather than a helping hand to guide. It’s normal parenting worries & anxieties manifesting and impacting your own health, physically & mentally. It’s being the almost empty cup that just has to find a way to keep on pouring.

The health & wellbeing of every child in our school system is what should matter.